This post was originally sent through my author newsletter on June 3, 2022. To subscribe to my newsletter and receive up-to-date news, musings, and more, use the form on my homepage: KathrynHolmes.com.
I've always been a creature of habit. I like routines. Rituals. Lists and spreadsheets. I'm not a huge fan of surprises. I really don't love chaos.
Here's the part where all of the parents reading this laugh and laugh, because what else is parenting besides a constant barrage of surprises and chaos?
Last Friday, I had my day all planned out. I had a to-do list that included a lot of work, a few chores, and a yoga class (because I'm much more productive if I make time to take care of my body and my mind). But on Thursday afternoon, I found out my daughter wouldn't be able to go to school on Friday due to a Covid exposure in her classroom. Surprise! My Friday to-do list went out the window.
Instead of spending the morning at my desk, I was here:
That's my kiddo playing under a giant, magical tree at Green-Wood Cemetery. We spent so much time at Green-Wood during the initial lockdown phase of the pandemic, when we were desperate to be outside but were still afraid of being around other people. These days, we don't visit Green-Wood out of desperation, but because it's a lovely place to hang out—especially when you're waiting for your kiddo's Covid test results. (She was negative, for those concerned!)
But back to my routine: last Friday, I had to abandon it, just as I have so many times over the past couple years—and just as I had to do many times well before Covid, whenever my daughter was sick or we couldn't get childcare. No matter how much I love a good routine, sometimes the universe has other plans.
Writers love to talk about the rituals that get their creative juices flowing. Sitting at this particular table at this particular coffee shop. Listening to the same album or playlist or song over and over. Wearing the right fingerless gloves or soft t-shirt or comfy pants or cozy hat. I used to have favorite writing cafés and preferred times of day to work, and I definitely spent time crafting the perfect playlist for each of my YA novels. I was a full-time freelancer, so my schedule was entirely of my own making. Write all morning; take a dance class in the early afternoon; head to a Starbucks to finish the day's freelance work before my husband left his office to meet me for dinner.
When my child was an infant, the routine shifted around her naptimes. "Sleep when the baby sleeps," people like to say. Well, when she slept, I tried to write. ("Tried" being the operative word, as any exhausted new mom will attest...) My café was my own kitchen, and my soundtrack was her white-noise machine and the soft sounds she made as she dozed. If she wouldn't nap at home, I'd have to take an hour-and-a-half-long walk, pushing the stroller around the Prospect Park loop, iced coffee in hand. I'd try to think about my creative projects (again, "try" is the key here) but some days all I could do was focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
And then we had childcare two mornings a week. And then it was three mornings. And then three "school days" (our nanny would leave us at 2:30 to pick up an older child from school). Those hours were, for the most part, mine again. For over a year, I was able to build a pretty reliable routine for myself.
And then there was a pandemic, and that hard-won routine vanished completely, for months.
Parents have to be flexible, especially nowadays. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, flexibility isn't always easy for people who do creative work. I've had to learn the skill (and it is a skill!) of sitting down at my computer and getting straight to the task at hand, because I never know if the time I've mapped out for myself later on will still be mine. I can't leave breadcrumbs—the perfect playlist and the perfect coffee shop and the perfect moment—for the muse and wait around for her to show up. I have to dive right in, and if I'm not feeling inspired by one project, I may have to move on to the next to-do on my list. I have deadlines to meet and much less time than I used to have to meet them. I have to get things done.
Of course, there are still moments to refill the well. There are neighborhood walks and dance classes and yoga classes and lunches with friends. There are books to read and shows to watch—stories to consume. But sometimes, the long walk in the park I'd been anticipating becomes a 10-minute stroll before picking up my daughter from school. Coffee dates with friends (many of whom have kids of their own) get postponed. Routines shift. Plans change.
I'm not always happy when it happens, but I'm getting better at adapting. I have no choice. Creativity is a muscle, not a magic wand.
Luckily, inspiration can strike anytime, anywhere, with or without routines and rituals. You just have to keep your eyes and ears and mind open.
Those coffee/meal get-togethers I mentioned above? Many of them are with friends who are also both parents and creators. Thus, we often end up talking about our kids and our work. Sometimes, kids and work are separate topics, but frequently, they intersect.
As I continue to think about what I want to do with this newsletter, I'm constantly assessing what I like to talk about and what I like to hear other people talk about. One thing I love is hearing how fellow creative folks—especially fellow parents—balance everything. I also love to hear how they are inspired and challenged by their kids. So, I'm launching an interview series this summer in which I ask several of my creative/parent friends the same three questions. Why only three? Well, like all working parents, their lives are busy. (Especially during summer vacation...)
I'm calling the series "Creating While Parenting," and it will kick off next Friday, June 10. You'll receive these brief interviews every other Friday, in the "off weeks" between my regular newsletters (like this one). I hope you'll enjoy hearing from my talented friends!
What I'm:
Reading: Emily X.R. Pan's second YA novel, An Arrow to the Moon. It's a retelling of Chinese mythology meets a Romeo and Juliet story, about Chinese-American teens from feuding families whose paths cross in increasingly supernatural ways. I've known Emily for many years, and she is such a brilliant writer (not to mention a lovely human being!). If you're a fan of lyrical, fantastical YA, don't miss her work.
Watching: "Obi-Wan Kenobi" on Disney+! (Ahhh Vader!!) Also, my husband and I decided to rewatch all of "Stranger Things" before diving into the new season; we're about to finish up season 1. Those "Stranger Things" kiddos used to be so little...
Listening to: Assorted writing-related podcasts. I've never been a podcast person, but I'm trying to broaden my horizons. (I also would love to be a guest on some, so if you know anyone looking for writers/creatives to talk about their process, count me in!) So far, I have enjoyed episodes from Mindy McGinnis's "Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire" and Marissa Meyer's "The Happy Writer."
Loving: Raising an almost-five-year-old! This is such a fun age. She is silly, enthusiastic about everything, a sponge when it comes to learning new facts and skills, and so very confident in her own abilities. Here she is "milking a cow" at a petting farm we went to last weekend. ("I already know how to milk a cow," she told me. "My brother taught me.") (Her brother is imaginary.) (Also, he's Batman...) (Yes, Batman is my daughter's imaginary sibling-friend...)
