On Zero-Drafts and Finding Myself Through the Mess

This post was originally sent through my author newsletter on March 17th, 2023. To subscribe to my newsletter and receive up-to-date news, musings, and more, click HERE.


I recently finished the "zero-draft" of the write-for-hire project I've been working on for the past few months. To my surprise and delight, it ended up right at the assigned word count (between 35-40,000 words). Thanks to my very detailed outline/synopsis, I had a solid sense of what I needed to write, but there was no guarantee that it would take the correct amount of words to get it all on the page. Typing "The End" at just over 38K felt so satisfying, like my authorly instincts were on point. 

Of course, this was just a zero-draft. What do I mean by that? 

When you're writing a book under contract, you'll have a due date for the first draft. This will be the first time your editor (and others on the team—in this case, the client) reads the whole book. But ideally, the draft you turn in isn't the very first draft you finish writing. Thus: zero-draft. 

A zero-draft can be full of plot holes. It can have notes in the margins, like, "Rewrite this interaction later" and "What day of the week is it, again?" The writing isn't necessarily polished, or even grammatically correct. Writing a zero-draft is about sketching out the story, start to finish. A zero-draft isn't mean to be read (by your editor or, really, anyone other than you). It's meant to exist, because you can't edit a blank page. 

So, as I said, earlier this week I finished my zero-draft. Not counting the three chapters I'd already written as part of my audition for the project, and then polished up for the "proof of concept" proposal, it took me a little under five weeks to complete. (I am immensely proud of that pace, by the way, considering I've been dealing with a retinal detachment in my left eye!) Now, I'm fixing things. Editing for continuity. Fleshing out two-dimensional characters. Adding connective threads between scenes and chapters. This is the fun part of writing a book: when you can see, with every change you make, that it is becoming better

A friend recently expressed astonishment that I have been able to work through this whole retinal detachment situation. I'll admit, it hasn't been easy, especially right after the repair procedures were done, but...being able to work through this has saved me. Meeting—exceeding—my word count goals each day gave me both a sense of purpose and a creative outlet, when the only other thing I could do was nap on the couch. (Believe it or not, one can only take so many midday naps!) Knowing that I'm going to hit my deadline at the end of this month, despite everything—and that I'm going to send in something I feel good about—is incredibly gratifying.  

I'm a person who prefers to keep busy. In general, I like for my days to have a purpose and a plan. And I enjoy writing. It makes me happy. 

I also enjoy vacations—and trust me, it felt absolutely magical to be at Disney World without my laptop for an entire workweek. 

But I'd been looking forward to getting back to work when we returned from Florida, and having to have emergency eye surgery really threw me for a loop. During those first few days post-procedure, I clung to the hour or so each morning that I could spend writing. During those hours, I felt like me

It reminded me of when, less than a year postpartum, I was invited to join rehearsals for a dance performance that was being put on by two of my longtime contemporary teachers/choreographers. Even in my first rehearsal with the group, my new-mom body still strange in constantly-shifting ways, I felt like me. As rehearsals went on, it was like stepping back into myself, over and over and over.  

Sitting down at my computer each morning, the past few weeks, has been another kind of stepping back into myself. And yes, I have earned a break after this. Yes, I plan to get a massage (when my eye doctor gives me the okay). Yes, I may take extra dance and yoga classes this spring to make up for these long, sedentary weeks at home. But I don't want to ever stop writing. I can't stop creating, dreaming, building. It's just not who I am.

~Kathryn  


What I'm: 

Reading: Due to my eye situation, I’ve started listening to audiobooks! I finished the audiobook of The Likeness (an Irish murder mystery) and also listened to a short rom-com called Love at First Psych, about two college students paired together for a project on love at first sight for their psychology class. It was cute! 

Watching: We rewatched "The Mandalorian" and are now caught up on season 3. I also can't wait to start season 2 of "Shadow and Bone" on Netflix. The first season of that one was so good! 

Cooking (sort of...): My daughter had green oatmeal and green milk this morning for breakfast, and she was absolutely certain the food coloring made it all taste especially green

Loving: Speaking of St. Patrick's Day, apparently my kiddo's teacher read a book about leprechauns yesterday, which inspired her to create her own leprechaun trap. (She was convinced one was going to sneak into her room overnight and steal her pot of gold! Aka her piggie bank...) Here's her chalk diagram of the trap, including disgruntled leprechaun. The pot of gold at the far left is the bait.